I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
