I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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