if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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