Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
