Yo dont text me then not text me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
