just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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