He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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