Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Is it penis luge time yet?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
