That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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