My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize