Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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