I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
