Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
