nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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