had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize