Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
