Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
