and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
