carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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