I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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