Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."

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(847): View more from Illinois

you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion

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(415): View more from California

It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure

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(518): View more from New York

Why does your place smell like gin and misery?

(1-518): View more from New York

I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'

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(516): View more from New York

I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.

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