His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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