We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize