If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
