waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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