Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
