Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
