My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
