he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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