This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
