ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
