I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
