awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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