Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
