Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
