Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
