come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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