Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
