Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
