Already got asked if we're dating
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
