She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
