woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize