why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So many bounce houses so little time
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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