Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
