Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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