At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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