A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize