I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
