Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
