I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
