Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
