It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
