Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
