You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize