Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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