He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
