so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
