My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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