I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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