hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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