Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
