We're like a lot better than the average bears
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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