No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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