Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
