God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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