i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
