2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
