Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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