I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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