I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
