could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
