Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
