I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
