im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize