if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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