white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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