You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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