I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize