Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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