Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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