I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize