i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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