how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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