Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
