I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
