u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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