he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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