please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
