Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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