The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize