I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize