she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
