Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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