I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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