im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
