yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
one might say we're banned from that church
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize