Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

my mouth tastes like poor choices

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(813): View more from Florida

This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

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(513): View more from Ohio

NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

(1-513): View more from Ohio

God I fucking love America.

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(315): View more from New York

i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.

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(410): View more from Maryland

My mouth holds just enough water for my bong

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(239): View more from Florida

Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata

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(206): View more from Washington

Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.

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(913): View more from Kansas

His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.

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