I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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