dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
