she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
