guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
